Look onto forever

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WARNING THE FOLLOWING ENTRY WILL HAVE VERY EMOTIONAL AND DRAMATIC CONTENT DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Today was full of eye openers. For starters I realized that life is so much more than what i have been focusing on. I am not disregarding my mental problems like i used to, but i shouldn’t give the things that trigger them any importance. I still haven’t found the line but I at least know what I’m looking for now. I just want a peace of mind . I don’t want to get anxious for everything that happens. I wish i didn’t overthink whether or not to stand a certain way. I wish that i could go back to when I could block all the anxiety out. Back when it didn’t matter whether or not this one person texted me or not. I have lost my balls and i need them back. I have become very tolerant of quite a lot tho. Then, thinking of how much i have to tolerate and pretend like things don’t bug me, makes me feel like I’m trapped in a tiny room in my head. Its like a safe where I store all the negative things i can’t respond to right away. The worst part is when those things find a way to affect my day to day life randomly. I could be fine and i try to forget stuff but so many things trigger bad memories.

i think i need a break i’ll be back to continue………