vlog edition with leanster

This is new. I have never tried this but I have ZERO fans so if it helps I will do it. I have so much I feel I want to analyze, yet I don’t know how to even begin. Most of the time that I '“analyze “something that is currently. making me anxious or just upset ( I don’t feel like i use the proper words to describe what I feel), I never know what the correct outlet for me is. I want to just write down my thoughts throughout the day. That is what feels natural because in the moment when I am thinking something so intensely and it’s random, I just get that urge to write it down and not having the correct notebook to write it in. See, I have journals for everything. What I mean is I have a journal for the type of writings I feel like write. Like, I have one for poems, one for my personal things I can’t speak to others about, or one for my blog entries (death files ect.). So, when I get in a certain mood and I’m like ‘ write it down to FULLY analyze later’ and I can’t I’ll forget WHICH I HATE BECAUSE ITS IMPORTANT FOR ME TO DO THIS FOR ME! I mean I know it isn’t rocket science. If I take a break though, I loose my train of thought and what I feel one moment isn’t there later. Like… I don’t feel the same later and it defeats the purpose of the exercise. I just need to find how to properly use my outlets. I suppose it is also a mix of commitment and self- discipline. Why do I feel like having control of my own life means complete udder freedom. I mean, I live in the U.S so I don’t really have freedom but I mean theres rules to the freedom I have. No matter who I try to have these talk with, they all narrow it down to it being about how I a “coming into age” and although I do agree because I mean it is logical. However, I don’t think that's just it. I don’t like to be told what to do I want to be advised. I want to make my own choices and mistakes without it being wrong

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I do come back to some of them hehe. If i don’t come back to reread my stuff it would never get read oop. One time I was watching this Q & A on youtube and they asked the person if they ever rewatch their videos or like watch their own channel for fun and the girl was like ‘oh no cringe i only watch them when i edit’ and that I feel because ew who wants to hear their own voice but that always stuck with me. For my writing though it’s something that I truly enjoy so reading over it, I still find it cringe, but I see how I’ve progressed over time. Not just in writing .