restless night 1:11

See, I was meant to type right now. I got home and I just new it was. time for a daily thrill. Thats why I took care of … well mostly everything before getting comfortable to type, and when I finally sit it’s 1:11 am.

I don’t know why I agitate myself so much. I make a big deal about things that have zero importance. I see it myself when certain situations present themselves. What I mean by that is now that I can in a way see how much my mind enhances a certain thought which causes me to respond in negative ways. I can try to prevent certain outbreaks. Which makes me feel good in a way. Then I think about it too long and realize that these are things everyone goes through. The more I realize how people just brush away issues like its nothing. There are so many people who feel worse than me they’re just okay. Which is great. I’m not saying I want everyone to be bitter.

Its just… I know the growing up is letting stuff just be. I know I suck at accepting things and that is what I have to do to be happy in this life. But is that really all that this life cycle is? Just learning to be content?

Maybe I don’t want to settle.

Just like my anxiety doesn’t want to settle for sleep right now. I have to work at eight in the morning ( which isn’t too bad because my coworkers go in at six) and I cannot seem to sleep. Although, I did take a two hour nap with the babies earlier so. I still am not improving on my organization skills because I have to find time to actually keep up with planning ahead of time. I am getting better and growth is all we are aiming for!