hello lean

Hi lean!

I haven’t wrote in like a week. And I mean like write write. I have not worked on much lately. I suppose I took a small break from all the new activities I started to work on. Maybe it’s because I have been going through this weird transition from being completely crowded with negativity and insecurities to um well I’m not really sure where I am now; I do know that it is not there.

I’m pretty positive that if I put all these entries side-by-side I probably sound like a broken record or like I have made no type of progress in my mental development, but believe you me it is there. I cry a hell lot less than I did the last time I wrote an entry. However, now that I’m getting on my feet again and I’m getting a clear idea of what my goals the more aware of the time I have wasted being… ignorant.

On another note, I also take forever to finish my entries for like my reviews. BUT the process of writing them and posting them is enjoyable and well since we’re working on looking on the bright side of things I think me just enjoying the process is enough for me for now. I’ve been lagging on posting my YouTube videos also because I don’t feel like sure about a couple of things and partially because I start to dread it. Like whats the point. If i’m doing it for me then it shouldn't matter. OOP ew so when I start getting negative like that, I try to like give myself time away from it. Then when I come back to working on them it just kinda works better. So, i’m trying to do that with like … everything lol.

Oh I went to a LGBT+ / BLM protest. Of course I had to go in secret without my mother knowing because with this whole COVID she would've like freaked on me. Anyways, the even wasn’t as long as I thought it was but everyone was so, how would I out it? Everyone was being so peaceful but you can feel when some would start a chant, the difference between the people who were genuinely hurt. Like I might be thinking too much about it but thats how i felt. I felt completely useless walking because I felt so small. But I was one of many and me just being there walking with others who want to make a difference is a small part of the bigger picture and I had to start somewhere.

I didn’t take many pictures because I needed to really be involved instead of being on my phone you know.

I’ll include the picture in the galley.

OKIEEE well thanks for catching up with me ! Also i’m thinking of like allowing comments but maybe thats stupid idk maybe u guys should like this 💕