small things

I remember when I was a sophomore in high school, my mom had started going to these small church get together. We weren’t really in a church building we were more like in one of the sisters kitchen listening to the pastor talk about the bible.

Anyways, we were obviously forced, but once i was there you know i was there i just started to listen to what they had to say … haha okay that sounds really bad. I just didn’t know what I believed. So, one day the topic of dying as a kid or something around those lines came up. He basically said that if you die knowing the word of the Lord then your get punished as so right. However, if you died without properly knowing the word of God, than you couldn’t get properly punished for your actions because it’s no fault of your own that you didn’t know what was right or wrong. Obviously I believe it excludes the obvious bad things like murder or lying.

Anyways that always stayed with me. Whether or not it’s true or not, in a way going to these readings/ meetings made it feel like my death was being finalized. From that point on I knew the bible. Aware. The nightmares i had dreamt of me being dragged into hell seemed closer to becoming true. Ironically the reason my mom chose to start going to those meetings was because of my dream.

Now, no matter what way I die i fear that will still be my fate. Ugh. Also Figgaro keeps peeing everywhere