something different

My mom has these certain things she repeats all the time. Sometimes their stories about her childhood, that I’m sure she’s aware she has told before, but proceeds to tell them anyways. Well, when she tries to comfort me when I cry she always tell me how she got over the depression in her life. She says that she prayed to god every day no matter how bad things would get. She would go to extremes at time and just stop and she would pray. Then one day she just woke up and she didn’t feel that feeling anymore.

Well, that story always stay with me because that’s what I want. I want to have that oh its okay everything bad is over and you can move on. Sometimes I feel like get that feeling. I wake up and oh I’m “happy” everything “ok”. But throughout the whole day I KNOW its not real. I’m just pretending because I know that’s what I’m suppose to do. Its not real though and that’s why I allow myself to just fall.

Anyways, today I woke up and everything felt okay. Genuinely okay.

I just think that if that feeling does come back and I feel like falling into my darkest self…. I could control how it affects me. Most things I’m coming to realize are just how they are and we can’t change them so we have to find the silver lining.