xoloitzcuintli

Xoloitzcuintly is a what the Aztecs names this “very unique “ breed of Mexican dogs. Its pronounced show-low-its-QUEENT-ly. Fun fact that I found today I think they’re TJ’s soccer teams mascot. Don’t quote me on that tho.

Today has been very um, well, not the best.

Last night I went to bed early, and I mean early ! To me seven pm is early. Okay, then I woke up later on like around midnight I realized I had fallen asleep and felt guilty for falling asleep w/o getting much done. But whatever I had work in five hours and thought,

“well, might as well go back to sleep, get full rest and maybe get to work early.”

That didn’t happen. I snoozed my last alarm and woke up at the time I was suppose to be at work. It took me 40 minutes to get to work. Maybe, it was the energy from the morning but I have felt horrible today. I cried in one of the stock rooms towards the end of my shift because my managers made me feel overwhelmed. I was like a quick breakdown, I calmed my down pretty fast because I didn’t want to be seen. Honestly, I didn’t want anyone to ask me what was wrong. This was one of those breakdowns that tend to make me feel worse when people input their opinion.

Then I realized it wasn’t them, nor the job, its me. Like always. Me.

I felt like all day I was slacking because I came late. So, I stayed longer and thats okay I honestly do not mind. My job is easy to me. It takes a lot and I put a lot of energy, even when I know I shouldn’t. It was beneficial to stay longer anyways. Since, I came late and needed to make up hours for leaving earlier. Ugh its the way people do things towards me. They feel the need to guilt me into things. Again, i only care because people think I’m stupid. Or like naive or treat me like I’m a kid.

I just like choose to want to help I don’t know. Yeah I guess I do choose to be stupid and people like believe me and they always go too far.

I feel.. well i can’t day anything until I give myself to respect. Someone told me that. At the time I felt offended because I felt like I did demand respect. I see now they meant it, and just to be helpful. To make me a better person. A person worthy I suppose.

What do I like to do with my time? What do I want to do with my time. Do I have no passions ? No ideals? I just excepted whatever is thrown at me.

nothing.